none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
