everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
