At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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