dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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