pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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