its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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