I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
