SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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