its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
