I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
