Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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