you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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