I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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