i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
