I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
