Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
