Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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