This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize