Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
