i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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