how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
