I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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