I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
