Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
