I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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