Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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