so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize