Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
