I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
