Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
