I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
