btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
