I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
