You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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