so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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