My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
