I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
