If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
