she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
