Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
