Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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