How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
