she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
