my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
