I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
