Ambien. No doubt about it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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