70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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