Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
