and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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