You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
