In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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