your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
