so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
