I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
