the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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