yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
