Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
