I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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