Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize