he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
now i know why i became what i already was.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize