Jerry, you need to find god
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
