ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
