I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My ass is underappreciated
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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