Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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