Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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