please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
