Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
