she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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