My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
