it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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