I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
