I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
