you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
