I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
